Porn is love you can see.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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