i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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