He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
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The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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