the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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