I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
