His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
