Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
