Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
