he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
