Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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