Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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