went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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