Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
