Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
