I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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