Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
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