On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
