I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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