saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
