It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i think i just lost a toe
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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