glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
