the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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