i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
