I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We got so high we made milksteak
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
