i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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