apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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