Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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