I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
