oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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