she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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