good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
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It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
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Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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