last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
