I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
