Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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