youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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