i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
