If i come over, it means nothing
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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