I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
