I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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