He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
