Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Sorry my hands just texted you
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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