I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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