I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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