oh god the rape fog is back!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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