where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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