A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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