I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
