everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
