remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize