What a fucking waste of an outfit
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize