TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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