if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
