This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
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I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize