You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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