smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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