i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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