I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Drake has all the answers
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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